Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
