perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
