you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
