He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize