I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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