at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
