I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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