I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
