So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
