My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize