Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
