State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
