How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
