Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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