I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
