My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
