need another drink. this is the easiest way
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
