Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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