I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize