she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
