omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
