my phone needs a breathalizer
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
