Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
