Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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