we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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