6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
