I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
