Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
