Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
