I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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