Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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