look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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