i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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