Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
