Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
