You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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