Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
