Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
