Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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