i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
