These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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