I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
