i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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