Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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