I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
