Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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