I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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