So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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