He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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