i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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