i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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