I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize