omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
