Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
