and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
