If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
