hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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