did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
