did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
