Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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