If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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