That's intense
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
