Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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