so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
