terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
50% drunk capacity currently
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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