I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
