i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
