Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
