i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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