There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
