I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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