just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you had me at cake vodka
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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