I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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