I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
